"I know that look too. It means 'Harper you're full of it.'" - Him? Never!

"I mean, for you, because I wanted you to feel the full advantages of being a human woman and you deserve it. And for me, in the capacity of an engineer who prides himself on perfectionism, I just wanted everything to be just right." -Oh sure. We believe ya, Harper. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

"Opening the hanger doors, and deactivating aft point defences. Oh look, we're a target now."

"Why didn't they kill you? I mean, not that I'm not glad to see you or anything."

"Aren't we the smooth talker."

"Funny guy." - Harper has a fine appreciation for Tyr's sense of humour

"I may not be an expert about this, but this is one hell of a gun and I do not want to be its target again!"

"Hey, if you're looking for the restrooms, they're down the hall, around the corner, back the way you came."

"Hey, give the man a Kewpie doll!"

"This is where the Systems Commonwealth made its last stand. One hundred High Guard ships, the broken remains of your team, commanded by Captain Teddy Roosevelt."

"The Nietzscheans were commanded by Admiral Ho Chi-Minh of the Gunga-Din Pride. The battle lasted forty days and forty nights, and by the time it all ended the entire nebula was flooded with fire. Finally, it's down to two ships. Roosevelt's Thermopylie, and Ho's Shining Path. Only, Roosevelt was dying. So he takes the Thermop and rams it straight into the Path kamikaze style and BOOM! takes Ho down in one last great act of defiance, saving Earth."

- Harper's version ofthe Battle of Witchead

"Well, metaphorically speaking."

"I like my version better." - so do I

"Buy Intership Materials. Oh, and corner the market on independant courier ships." - sound financial advice

"Harper Historical Document 1.1: How I saved the future, the autobiography of Seamus Zelazny Harper. Now for reasons of his own, our captain, Dylan Hunt, has decided not to interfere in the Battle of the Witchead Nebula. Now while I respect his decision, I do not share in his evaluation of the situation. Therefore, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. After blinding Andromeda's internal sensors, I have begun to modify key systems of her power core. These modfications, when complete, will allow me to cause a single cataclysmic explosion in the nebula. Note to sculptors. Statues of me should look wise, concerned. I suggest posing me with a sodering wand over my head like a sword. To summarize, genius, young, somewhat good looking engineer sets trap. Nietzscheans arrive. Nietzscheans go boom! And everybody lives happily ever after. Harper out."

"I don't suppose I could convince you it's a harmless science experiment?"

"Now that you say it, it actually sounds fun."

"Exactly. Which means a catalyst is not going to work. Unless you can get them all to politely line up to be incinerated."

"Harper saves the world, take one!"

"We win."

"The Chin heads built it, but I made it work."

"No, really. It scans you, destroys you, transmits you through the projector and then rebuilds you from the particles up. Hilarity ensues."

"And then it rebuilds you like a piece of cheap furniture, only with better instructions." - that sounds like so much fun now that he says it that way

"Trust in the Harper. The Harper is good." - I trust in the Harper as well. You should as well.

"Miracle, schmiracle. All I know is that if my main squeeze, assuming I ever get one, wanted to save me from a black hole, doomed or not, I wouldn't stand in her way."

"All that work and he's still not going to get to first base."

"Call me the Love God baby!" - I'll call you that

"Now do I rule, or do I rule?" - he rules

"Destroy one melon with some neato Perseid techno toys, season liberally with some Earth human genius, shake it up in your friendly neighbourhood singularity and reassemble quark by quark. Serves one."

"It's a one way ticket to love, baby."

"Allow me to introduce myself, Seamus Zelazny Harper, super genius!" - Hi. My name's Kennis. Nice to meet you.

"The deck drips with the guts of the unworthy melons. I have given life and form to the first time travelling fruit in the history of the universe."

"The betting window is now closed." - and I missed it, damnit!

"Come on Beka, he's only piloting three fighter squads while we sit here and do nothing. What could be so difficult about doing that?"

"It's a magic time."

"I, Seamus Zelazny Harper, the Exalted Love Machine of the planet Earth, do hereby ordain that when fifty planets have agreed to join the Systems Commonwealth..." - well, aren't I glad to live on a planet where one can gain that title?

"Trance Gemini, sparkly purple babe." - a very accurate description of Trance indeed

"Hey, maybe we're overreacting. Come on. Look, if I went missing with that fine looking piece of machinery, I wouldn't want to be found." - gosh, him too? I would've thought that this comment would have ended up on my friend Ben's site

"Trance, the last time I gave you a weapon, you started a chain reaction. On Gertrude Elion drift. Dumped the main power grid."

"I never got the whole prison thing. 'Hey, you have the potential to be a nasty piece of work. Why don't we lock you up with a serious bunch of hard cases and get you really good at it.'" - the Exalted Love Machine of Earth is very wise indeed

"Hey, catchy. I like it." - and if Harper likes it, it's got to be good

"I'll say this for the old Commonwealth, when it comes to formal dinnerware, you guys rule."

"Which explains why the two fishnecks get to hang out with the hot chick with the lungs."

"You know, up until now, life on the Andromeda has been like a first class hotel, with thrill rides."

"That's their Hail to the Chief? It sounds more like a tuna with a toothache." - and it does

"You think you've got problems? I'm never going to score with Captain Terrific moving in on my turf." - never mind her. I'm here!

"And a big hello to all my many friends at the Calhoun's Corner Saloon, where I can't wait to enjoy my two-for-one beers every evening at sunset. Whenever I get off this ship. Ka-ching! Interplanetary pitchman Seamus Harper." - I'll be off to Calhoun's Corner Saloon now, if he's there

"It's not like he doesn't kill people. Hell, it used to be his day job."

"All I'm saying, and it may sound a little selfish, sometimes you gotta throw a wolf to the wolves to keep the rest of us from being eaten."

"Now there's a thought. Do fish people eat fish, or is it like humans eating monkies or apes?"

"I'm completely at the Colonel's disposal, and I mean completely."

"Weaponry 101. The Force-Lance is the High Guard's favourite toy. Retracted, it can be used as a light source or a scanner, and whatever else comes to mind. When deployed it makes a nifty quarterstaff or limbo bar." - did he say the magic word? LIMBO!

"Not Tyr. Overbearing, self-righteous, vain, vicious, brutal, way to serious, and a little big, but eccentric? No." - an even apter description of Tyr

"Come on Rommie, interface with me. It's the closest I'm going to get."

"You're saying you're too smart for me?"

"Why? Why? Because...because I didn't like their stupid fish music, that's why."

"Fine, but I reserve the right to confess later."

"Recognition software is dicey and you Castalians, you all look so much alike. Excluding, of course, Colonel Yau. Much safer to tell Rommie to target the guy with the dish on his chest. And to tell her to shoot at a guy with tubes sticking out his neck." - and he would've gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for those darned kids!

"You needed better music."